Young Writers Society

All right-keep writing!

There is more to the story. It's going to be a lot more interesting...just read it and you'll see...trust me.

Um, could you maybe...spruce up the story a little? I tried to get half-way through and I just couldn't. It was hard to read because it just seemed like they're sipping tea, talking daintily, and so on and so forth. I'm sure this could turn into a good story if you just put a little more action into it.

Wow, I'm impressed. I think you're the first person who has actually listened to me about the formatting. Congratulations. You get, um, a cookie.

... now, all you have to do is fix the dialogue punctuation and word choice and you'll be set for more in-depth critiques.

Alright people, I'll space...I was just too lazy, so to say. (sigh) You guys are so critical. lol...cool, by the way.

Stuff you should keep in mind:

- Formatting. Egads, people. It's really very simple. Crayon said it, too — space your paragraphs properly and more people will be willing to read it.

Observe:

“He caught your eye, didn’t he?”
“I beg you pardon!”
“You are pardoned. All I’m saying is that it isn’t common that an uncommon person is uncommonly talked about in doors.”
“We spoke profusely about scores of people. Why do you find it odd now?”
“Jane, Jane, Jane…if you admire the man, there’s no reason to hide it.”
“I beg your pardon!” She gasped.
“You are pardoned.”

“He caught your eye, didn’t he?”

“I beg you pardon!”

“You are pardoned. All I’m saying is that it isn’t common that an uncommon person is uncommonly talked about in doors.”

“We spoke profusely about scores of people. Why do you find it odd now?”

“Jane, Jane, Jane…if you admire the man, there’s no reason to hide it.”

“I beg your pardon!” She gasped.

“You are pardoned.”

“He is not a killer, Jane. You are over-exaggerating.”
“All I’m saying is that he could be.”
Jane replied, setting her book aside.

“He is not a killer, Jane. You are over-exaggerating.”

“All I’m saying is that he could be,” Jane replied, setting her book aside.

“Marcus Daniel is a very preserved man and I wonder how on earth we started talking about him. It seems to me that I have reached my conclusion.” She sung.
“And what, pray tell, is that?” Jane snatched, a tad bit annoyed by her sudden indirect accusation.

“Marcus Daniel is a very preserved man and I wonder how on earth we started talking about him. It seems to me that I have reached my conclusion,” she sung.

“And what, pray tell, is that?” Jane snatched, a tad bit annoyed by her sudden indirect accusation.

“And what, pray tell, is that?” Jane snatched, a tad bit annoyed by her sudden indirect accusation.

They were both in the marriage mart and still they had not found the right husband.

eh... could you space between all the dialogues? it's so hard to read when its mushed together... it hurts the eyes, seemed good so far, then it kinda got like a soggy oreo cookie... squished

wow set it out properly first so more people will make the effort to read it, i got about half way through and then had to stop because my eyes hurt! Other than that its a generally good story so far and once you've changed the set out of it all i might come back and finish, no i will come back and finish reading it.